US 22750 annotated exemplars

This annotated exemplar is intended for teacher use only. Annotated exemplars are extracts of student evidence, with commentary, that explain key parts of a standard. These help teachers make assessment judgements at the grade boundaries.

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For Achieved, learners must write a crafted text for a specified audience using researched material in English for an academic purpose. This text will demonstrate the learner’s readiness for the demands of undergraduate courses, and is comparable to mid-B2 on the Common European Framework of Reference.

This learner has written an academic essay as coursework in an English for Academic Purposes programme. The discussion of the impact of social media on young people has an appropriate academic purpose, drawing on source material that provides a broad knowledge base.

The topic is addressed in an essay that follows appropriate academic essay conventions. The audience (social sciences assessor) is evident, although not stated explicitly. The writing gives a description of social media and its reach, followed by a discussion of two negative impacts on young people (1) meeting the requirements of Performance Criterion (PC) 1.1.

This learner establishes the central thesis and main ideas in the introduction, developing and supporting these ideas with evidence in the body paragraphs, then drawing it together in a conclusion. The knowledge base is just sufficiently broad to meet PC1.2, with expansion and clarification of both main points. This includes judgements and interpretation.

There is generally a clear overall progression of ideas in the text structure. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence, although one idea is repeated across the text. There is some effective use of cohesive devices (2). This meets PC1.3.

Word and grammar choices are appropriate for a formal academic essay. These include the use of the passive voice, more specialised vocabulary, e.g. ‘multitasker’, ‘simultaneous’, ‘depiction’, ‘productivity’, and the third person point of view. Overall there is lexical and grammatical control, meeting PC1.4 and PC1.5.

Source material is acknowledged in the text, and there is a list of references. The reference list is alphabetical and in APA format. The citation and referencing of the paraphrased, summarised and quoted sources (3), some of which have been used to support interpretation and informed judgement, meets PC1.6 and PC1.7.

To meet the standard more securely, the learner could develop ideas more broadly by introducing a third point (4) and expanding on it. The use of one main idea for each of the body paragraphs would provide more overall cohesion.

In some places a better use of information is required (5), as some source material is about all media use, not social media specifically. A more succinct development of the topic would help to address the academic purpose securely.

For Outcome 1, learners must write a crafted text for a specified audience using researched material in English for an academic purpose. This text will demonstrate the learner’s readiness for the demands of undergraduate courses, and is comparable to mid-B2 on the Common European Framework of Reference.

This learner has written an academic essay as coursework in an English for Academic Purposes programme, although the audience is not specified. The discussion of Auckland’s homelessness problem has an appropriate academic purpose and some source material is used.

The topic is addressed in an essay that follows some academic essay conventions. The writing outlines the issue and identifies some causes, followed by three possible solutions.

This learner introduces the thesis ‘how should NZ Government decrease homelessness?’, presenting a definition of homelessness and giving statistics about homelessness in Auckland. Ideas about mental health (1), addiction (2) and financial issues (3) are presented as causes of homelessness. Although sources are cited, the explanation is the learner’s own knowledge rather than drawing on research materials.

There is an overall progression of ideas in the text structure. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence. There is some effective use of cohesive devices (4). This meets Performance Criterion (PC) 1.3.

Some word and grammar choices are appropriate for a formal academic essay, e.g. the use of passive voice and generally using a formal lexical register. Weblinks are given in the text and there is a list of some of them in the bibliography (5).

To meet the standard, further development of relevant ideas, underpinned by the source material, is needed to meet PC1.1 and PC1.2. Most discussion of ‘complex reasons’ (6) and two of the three solutions (career guidance at schools, local community responsibility) are not yet based on research material. Linking between the ‘complex reasons’ for homelessness and solutions is needed.

Integration, including paraphrasing, summary and informed judgement, and appropriate acknowledge of source material are required to meet PC1.6 and PC1.7.

To meet PC1.5, better grammatical and lexical control is required so that all meaning is clear, not just the expression of the main point in each paragraph. The text contains a number of word choice errors (7) that interfere with meaning, as does the frequency of grammatical (8) and syntax errors such as run-on sentences (9).