US 28068 annotated exemplars

This annotated exemplar is intended for teacher use only. Annotated exemplars are extracts of student evidence, with commentary, that explain key parts of a standard. These help teachers make assessment judgements at the grade boundaries.

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For Excellence, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas precisely and fluently.

This involves:

• ensuring that content, structure and organisation of the written text are appropriate to the topic and text type
• linking ideas effectively using a range of different cohesive devices
• writing in a coherent and cohesive manner with minimal lapses 
• using an extended range of language features and vocabulary
• conveying the meaning of the written text with minimal inaccuracies.

The learner has written a profile of a school friend focusing on his interest in music.

Content, structure and organisation are relevant to topic and text type. The profile begins with an introduction about the friend, followed by paragraphs about aspects of his musical background and abandonment of music as a career path. The conclusion affirms the likelihood of his success.

The text is coherent throughout. Information is linked effectively, using a range of different cohesive devices (1), although the use of direct speech impacts on cohesion.

An extended range of language features and vocabulary is used effectively. The learner has demonstrated control of simple and complex sentence structures (2). An extended range of past, present and future tense verb forms are used correctly, including passive voice and modals. Vocabulary choices are precise with some use of collocation (3).

The meaning of the text is conveyed with minimal inaccuracies.

For a more secure Excellence, the learner could use reported speech to improve cohesion and consistently use punctuation correctly, particularly with co-ordinating conjunctions.

For Merit, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas effectively.

This involves:

• ensuring that the content, structure and organisation of the written text are appropriate to the topic and text type
• writing in a coherent and cohesive manner with minor lapses 
• using a wide range of language features and vocabulary
• conveying the meaning of the written text with minor inaccuracies.

The learner has written a profile of a class member based on an interview.

Content, structure and organisation are appropriate to topic and text type. The profile begins with an introduction about the class member, followed by paragraphs about his interests, aspects of his school life in New Zealand and his future plans.

The text is coherent throughout. Information within paragraphs is linked using a range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, some connectives, and pronoun reference (1). The first sentences of some paragraphs have loose pronoun reference.

The learner communicates ideas effectively using a wide range of language features and vocabulary. Control of simple, compound and a range of complex sentences is demonstrated (2). A wide range of present, past and future tense verb forms are used (3), usually correctly.

The meaning of the text is conveyed, with minor inaccuracies only.

To reach Excellence, the learner could use cohesive devices to link paragraphs, avoiding loose pronoun reference, as well as showing an extended range of language features and vocabulary.

For Merit, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas effectively.

This involves:

• ensuring that the content, structure and organisation of the written text are appropriate to the topic and text type
• writing in a coherent and cohesive manner with minor lapses  
• using a wide range of language features and vocabulary
• conveying the meaning of the written text with minor inaccuracies.

The student has written a profile of a school friend focusing on his interest in rugby.

Content, structure and organisation are appropriate to topic and text type. The description begins with a statement about the friend’s rugby achievement, followed by paragraphs elaborating on this achievement, his school subjects, his motivation for coming to New Zealand, and his future plans. The topic sentence of each paragraph is clear.

The text is coherent. Ideas are linked within paragraphs, using a range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (1). There is loose pronoun reference at the beginning of paragraphs.

The learner communicates ideas effectively using a sufficiently wide range of language features and vocabulary. Control of simple, compound and complex sentences  is demonstrated (2). A wide range of verb forms are used correctly, including present perfect and present continuous tenses and passive voice (3).

The meaning of the text is conveyed, with minor inaccuracies only.

For a more secure Merit, the learner could use a greater range of cohesive devices, particularly between paragraphs, avoiding loose pronoun reference, and use more complex sentence structures.

For Achieved, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas.

This involves:

• ensuring that the content, structure and organisation of the written text are generally appropriate to the topic and text type
• writing in a generally coherent and cohesive manner  
• using a range of language features and vocabulary
• generally conveying the meaning of the written text, although errors and inaccuracies may occur.

The learner has written a description of her father.

Content, structure and organisation are appropriate to the topic and text type. The description begins with an introduction about her father, followed by paragraphs about his physical appearance, personality, hobbies and relationships. The topic sentence of each paragraph is clear, and the final paragraph includes a conclusion.

Cohesive devices are used. Ideas are linked within paragraphs using a range of connectives, conjunctions and pronoun reference (1).

The learner communicates ideas using a range of language features and vocabulary appropriate to text type. Control of simple, compound and a limited range of complex sentences  is demonstrated (2). Verb forms, predominantly simple present tense, are used correctly. A wide range of vocabulary is used correctly, notably adjectives and noun phrases (3).

The meaning of the text is conveyed, with no repeated errors and minor inaccuracies only.

To reach Merit, the learner could use a wider range of cohesive devices and complex sentence structures.

For Achieved, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas.

This involves:

• ensuring that the content, structure and organisation of the written text are generally appropriate to the topic and text type 
• writing in a generally coherent and cohesive manner
• using a range of language features and vocabulary
• generally conveying the meaning of the text although errors and inaccuracies may occur.

The learner has written a profile of a school friend.

Content and structure and organisation are generally appropriate to topic and text type. The profile begins with a brief introduction about the friend, followed by paragraphs about his relationship with his grandparents, his hobbies and his sensitivity. Topic sentences are generally clear, but the final paragraph is very short and lacks a conclusion.

A limited range of cohesive devices are used to link ideas within paragraphs, including simple conjunctions and pronoun reference (1).

The learner communicates ideas using a range of language features and vocabulary. Control of simple, compound and a limited range of complex sentences is demonstrated (2). A range of present and past tense verb forms are used correctly, including present continuous and present perfect (3).

The meaning of the text is conveyed. There are no repeated errors and very few inaccuracies.

For a more secure Achieved, the learner could include a conclusion, link ideas between paragraphs and use more complex sentence structures.

For Achieved, the learner needs to write a connected text on a familiar topic to communicate ideas.

This involves:

• ensuring that the content, structure and organisation of the written text are generally appropriate to the topic and text type 
• writing in a generally coherent and cohesive manner
• using a range of language features and vocabulary
• generally conveying the meaning of the text although errors and inaccuracies may occur.

The learner has written a description of a school friend.

Content, structure and organisation are generally appropriate to topic and text type. The description begins with some background on the writer’s relationship with the friend, followed by paragraphs describing her appearance, personality and future plans. The topic sentence of each paragraph is clear.

Cohesive devices are used. Ideas are linked within paragraphs using connectives, conjunctions and pronoun reference, usually correctly (1).

A range of language features and vocabulary appropriate to the text type is used to communicate ideas. Simple and compound sentences predominate, with a limited range of complex sentences (2). A range of present and past tense verb forms is used (3) with some errors in subject-verb agreement. A range of appropriate vocabulary is used, including adjectives and noun phrases (4), with some inaccuracies.

Meaning is obscured by errors and inaccuracies in the sentences about cell phone use and the friend’s career aspirations.

To reach Achieved, the learner could make fewer errors and inaccuracies which obscure meaning, and use more complex sentence structures.