US 28070 annotated exemplars

This annotated exemplar is intended for teacher use only. Annotated exemplars are extracts of student evidence, with commentary, that explain key parts of a standard. These help teachers make assessment judgements at the grade boundaries.

Download all exemplars and commentary [PDF, 237 KB]

For Excellence, the learner needs to write a response for a specific purpose effectively.

This involves:

• communicating the specific purpose of the response
• using content, structure and organisation appropriate to the specific purpose, topic and response text type
• linking ideas effectively using a range of different cohesive devices
• writing coherent and cohesive text with minimal lapses
• using an extended range of language features and vocabulary effectively
• conveying meaning with minimal inaccuracies.

This learner has written a response to an event, a school cultural festival, for a school magazine.

The specific purpose of the response is indicated in the heading ‘Response to an event – a review’.

Content, structure and organisation are appropriate for a review. The introduction states the name, location and date of the event. Central paragraphs describe the performance of different cultural groups and audience reactions. The conclusion describes the festival finale.

The response is coherent throughout, and ideas are linked effectively using a range of different cohesive devices. These include transition signals in topic sentences (1), and grammatical cohesive devices, e.g. pronoun reference, adverbs and conjunctions.

An extended range of language features are used. These include simple, compound and some complex sentences (2) and past tense verb forms, including passive voice (3). Comma splice sentences are quite frequent. An extended range of vocabulary, especially positive adjectives, is used to describe the performances precisely and effectively (4). Inaccuracies are minimal.

For a more secure Excellence, the learner could improve punctuation accuracy at the level of individual sentences, and use more complex sentence structures.

For Merit, the learner needs to write a response for a specific purpose.

This involves:

• communicating the specific purpose of the response
• using content, structure and organisation appropriate to the specific purpose, topic and response text type
• writing coherent and cohesive text with minor lapses
• using a wide range of language features and vocabulary
• conveying meaning with minor inaccuracies.

The learner has written a response to a written text, a short story, The Lottery.

The specific purpose of the response, to discuss two themes of the story - blindly following tradition and brainwashing – is communicated.

Content and structure are appropriate, although the introductory and concluding paragraphs need to be more concise. The introduction provides the title and author, summarises the story and states the purpose of the response. The central paragraphs discuss each theme in the context of the story. The conclusion reiterates the writer’s opinion, but also adds more real-life examples from different countries.

The response is coherent. Ideas are presented in a comprehensible manner and logical order. Ideas are linked within paragraphs and sentences using a range of cohesive devices, including some connectives, relative pronouns, conjunctions, and pronoun reference (1).

A wide range of language features are used. These include simple, compound and complex sentences (2), present and past tense verb forms and modals (3). A wide range of topic-specific vocabulary, including collocation, is used (4). Lapses in control are minor.

For a more secure Merit, the learner could improve paragraph organisation.

For Achieved, the learner needs to write a response for a specific purpose.

This involves:

• communicating the specific purpose of the response
• describing and developing ideas or issues
• using content, structure and organisation appropriate to the specific purpose
• writing coherent and cohesive text
• using a range of language features and vocabulary appropriate to text type
• conveying meaning, although errors and inaccuracies may occur.

The learner has written a response to an event, a school cultural festival, for a school magazine.

The specific purpose of the response, to write a review of the festival, is communicated. Ideas are described, with limited development. The review has elements of a recount.

Content, structure and organisation are appropriate to the specific purpose. The introduction provides information about the festival and the writer’s purpose. Central paragraphs describe the food markets before the festival and review some of the student performances. The conclusion describes the finale and thanks the teachers and students involved.

The response is coherent. Ideas are presented in a comprehensible manner and logical order. Ideas are linked within paragraphs using a limited range of cohesive devices, including pronoun reference (1).

A range of language features are used. These include simple, compound and some complex sentences (2), as well as verb forms (3). A range of vocabulary appropriate is used, including positive adjectives and some collocations (4). Errors and inaccuracies occur, especially in verb and adjective forms, but these do not obscure meaning.

For a more secure Achieved, the learner could further develop ideas.